Picture a tight-knit group of 20 cyclists, heart-rates close to 180, all kitted out in lycra, zipping through tiny Spanish mountain towns announcing their presence like a swarm of angry bees (from all the free-wheel sounds). Climbing up 8% gradient roads and then descending at top speeds faster than 35 mph (56 km/hour) as they traversed their 70-mile (112-km journey) journey under the blazing summer sun on a Saturday.
Then picture about 100 people spread out on blankets under the shade of a canopy of trees on a vibrant August Sunday morning. Everyone has a book in hand and is reading. Phones are nowhere to be seen. Some are highlighting passages in their books, others are listening to the hand-pan musician playing in the corner, a few are dozing off in a siesta. Everyone seems in a trance, as if drunk by the summer slumber.
Both extremities are possible in a single weekend in Valencia, Spain. Trust me, I somehow did both.
Rewind
It has been a month since I arrived in Spain (more details about that later). But this weekend’s activities prompted me to write something quickly today. About curiosity, social anxiety, friendships, and activities that push you out of your comfort zone.
Last week I learned one of the stages of La Vuelta a España (it’s like the Spanish Tour de France) would be passing near Valencia. I made plans to go try to watch by myself since I don’t have riding buddies yet. Two days before, as an answer to my wishes, I saw a post on Instagram for a 80km social ride to go see La Vuelta. Perfect! What I didn’t know was that it was about to be the most challenging cycling ride of my life.
I wouldn’t have guessed that I’d be drafting behind the wheel of the coach of the women’s professional cycling team of Valencia, and at some (very brief) point next to a women’s National team rider. Not to mention that most of the others are serious riders who put in 16-hour+ hours of training per week. If I would have known this was their social ride, I definitely would not have showed up. But maybe the cliche is true… sometimes ignorance is bliss. Because unknowingly I was about to be put to the test and surprise myself by succeeding.
Almost Bailing
A “social ride” to me is about a 12 or 13 miles-per-hour ride with a stop for coffee along the way. But I immediately felt that was not about to happen when I rolled up to the start of this social ride. One look at the other riders and bikes, and it was a dead giveaway. These were high caliber cyclists. And then there was me.
“I should just duck out of here before they even see I’ve arrived.” I thought to myself. No one had greeted me or acknowledged my presence so I figured I may as well bounce before things got awkward. But before I could do this, a new cyclist came up, another woman about my age and less serious-looking than everyone else. We bonded over the fact we both felt like amateurs compared with the rest of the group and decided we’d stick together on the ride. That’s what made me stay, someone who came up to me with a smile and openness about being nervous.
The ride ended up being 112KM (70 miles), 32K more than advertised. We were holding speeds of 20 miles per hour on average, riding in a pace line, and drafting. It was not for novice cyclists, and I’ve noticed this before in both running and cycling circles. Something gets called “chill” or “social” or “easy,” and you’re left wondering, relative to who? Thankfully I have close to a decade of road cycling experience which allowed me to at least feel familiar with riding in this style and I had come prepared with fuel and the GPX route in case I got dropped. It was by far the most I have pushed myself on the bike, and luckily I was physically in shape for this kind of endeavor despite not having trained in cycling much over the past 5 years.
I felt grateful that my body and mind were spontaneously able to jump into a ride like this. It was a reminder of why I train in so many sports. Not just because I enjoy them, but that having these versatile skills give me the flexibility to participate in adventures like this bike ride. It was really thanks to the consistency I have with swimming, weight-lifting, kick-boxing, cycling, and running that provided me with a strong foundation to put myself to the test on this ride.
Digging Deep For Mental Strength
While cycling long distances is a physical challenge, doing so with the mounting social pressure of those around you is even more challenging. It is already mentally exhausting having just moved to an entirely new country by yourself, but joining a group ride where you don’t know anyone and don’t know what to expect, adds a layer of anxiety.
While we waited for the group to assemble, I clocked the field: lean, serious cyclists on bikes that cost more than my car back home. Only one guy nodded at my sunglasses and asked the brand, and it felt less like small talk than an assessment. I counted the women in the group. Four, including me, and the other three had the look of people who raced, not people out for a weekend spin. Also my bike was a serious purchase for me, but next to theirs it looked like the beginner model. Despite having almost a decade of road riding under my belt, I found myself standing there awkwardly and feeling like I’d never clipped into a pedal before.
While some of my travel stories may give you the impression that I’m an extrovert who has no problems talking to strangers, I am actually quite introverted and sometimes feel a lot of social anxiety especially in group settings. This was one of those times where I just wanted to hide.
Even a quarter way through the ride when we began to climb the mountain when I found myself all alone between the faster group and the two slower cyclists that were behind me, I actually considered taking a dirt road escape and waiting in the bushes hiding for the rest of the group to pass, just so I could ride at my own pace without social pressure.
While I didn’t do that, I did give myself a pep talk.
Ride Your Own Ride
Years ago I heard the phrase, “run your own race,” meaning, when doing a running race, just go your own pace and do your own thing. Don’t compare yourself to others and stay confident with your own plan.
“Ride your own ride,” I muttered to myself. Suddenly this phrase relieved me from the mental pressure I’d created for myself about the ride, about the people, and about my worthiness being on this ride. I felt like I was trying to prove to the others that I belonged, when in reality I didn’t need to prove to anyone, not even myself. I just had to BE myself— put in the effort and try my best.
“Ride your own ride” also reminded me that it’s irrelevant if this was the racing crew’s social ride or if it was my challenging ride. Both can be true, and both can still have a good experience. Neither is any less than the other. We all ended up having a fun time no matter what kind of intensity the ride was for us as individuals.
Curiosity is the Connector
In an effort to shake off social anxiety, I often think of this phrase by James Clear: “Don’t be the most interesting person, be the most interested.”
That was my approach with this cycling group. I tried asking people a lot of questions and getting to know them even if it wasn’t always reciprocated back to me.
For instance at one point I was making the effort to chat with the group organizer, but despite my curiosity, he didn’t engage back. He seemed more interested in capturing Instagram footage and giving out sponsor giveaways than chatting with the riders. This really disappointed me as I was looking forward to learning more about the cycling community here and getting to know people on a deeper level.
Thankfully, some of the other riders made up for this later in the day. Turns out the ones who were the most intense and fast, actually became the people I had nice conversations with because they made the time to ride with me for a little bit and who chatted with me at the every end when we were drinking coca-cola at the bike shop. That’s finally when I felt we broke the ice.
Similarly at the reading event at the park, I went up to someone whose blanket I really liked, and asked them where they got it. I struck gold with this person because they were curious about me and started asking me what book I was reading. After that, the conversation flowed easily and we became friends.
It’s All Relative
The day after the bike ride, as I sat amongst a hundred other strangers in a reading rave at the park, I chuckled to myself that just 24 hours ago I was riding at top speeds and pushing myself to my limits. But that today, I was there amongst people who the majority didn’t look like athletes and most would probably not even have made it 5 minutes into the ride. In contrast I also wondered if some of these crazy cyclists would ever consider reading in stillness for an hour at the park.
As I sat there with my legs sporting fresh tan lines (the only evidence from the previous day’s ride), I had my favorite Carlos Ruiz Zafón novel in hand (which I was reading for the third time). I paused reading and looked around at the sea of people, each in deep concentration on their books. The odds of two people reading the same book were quite slim. Each was immersed in their own worlds with different characters, different plots, genres, and emotions. With different storylines yet somehow colliding with one another. Sometimes our stories and lives collide at the park and other times while whizzing down a mountain on a bike ride. The beautiful part is they are all so different and each on their own journey.
Ride your own ride, read your own book, and live your own story.