On Loosing Loved Ones

Yep, second story from me today (and then I'm taking a little break)

Unexpected second story for the week. I’d already written the previous one, so wanted to share it. But this one matches more my current state of mind. I wanted to be open with it because sometimes life’s sad moments find us when we are also experiencing our highs, and there’s no way around it. I guess it’s tricky balance of holding both truths at the same time. Maybe you feel this happens to you sometimes too. (I will also be taking a break from writing next week, so will resume the week after that).

Saw this at the metro station today. Seemed quite fitting.

A few weeks ago I lost one grandfather and today I lost my other one. It seemed as soon as one grief subsided, the other was just lurking around the corner.

For both, I happen to be across the world and not making it to the funerals. Not being able to be with my family during these hard times. It feels isolating and lonely to grieve so far away and with no one nearby to lean on. I found myself looking at old pictures of us and the happy memories we had the chance to make. It makes me happy knowing we got to experience such joyful times together. Although I was mostly a kid for most of the years, so I’m sad we didn’t get to have more adult-to-adult conversations. I wish now more than ever I could as them for their biggest life advice.

On the other hand, both grandfathers loved to travel. I feel grateful to be exploring and seeing the world and places neither of them got the chance to go to.

Now looking back I see bits of myself that are clearly reflections of them. For instance my mom’s dad was the type of person who was always smiling and always squeezing the most out of life. He would laugh uncontrollably for an hour straight until there were tears of laughter in his eyes. Just like me. He also taught me to swim at a very young age and it’s the sport that has stuck with me all these years.

My dad’s dad was full of quiet intellect and had green eyes. I inherited both. He was an avid reader, history lover, enjoyed photography, and was an insanely talented artist. Charcoal, pastel, sketching, acrylics… his pieces belong in a museum. I like to think my nerdiness and love of reading and comes from him. While my sister may have inherited most of the artist genes, the parts of me that dabble in art most certainly come from him.

My dad’s dad was born in 1931. He grew up as an orphan because both his parents died when he was a baby. We didn’t know too much about their lineage up until a few months ago when we learned his great great great grandmother was born in Porto, Portugal and died in Lisbon. Coincidentally it’s where I find myself today.

Death and grief is unavoidable. Some experience it more early on in life than others, but it always finds all of us, in the end. I just hope to live a life that would make them proud. Continue laughing, continue taking photos, continue swimming, continue having a strong family, and continue seeing the world.

It’s a reminder that our time in this life is limited. The important thing is finding the things about it that are important to each of us, and to be intentional with how to live in a way that reflects that. Both my grandfathers reached quite steep age in numbers, but age is not the only deciding factor of when our time is up.

I say this not in a dreadful way, but in a way that I hope to lead my life. With both a bit of urgency and also slow enjoyment of the present moment.

As the phone in the metro station said… call the people you love and tell them you love them. It’s a great reminder for all of us.