I got a job with my dream mentor and left after a month. This is what I learned.

Part of human tradition has always been seeking out a mentor, a person you admire and want to learn a craft from. A teacher who can pass on wisdom not taught in schools.

From an early age, I’ve always been surrounded by great mentors who helped me build the foundation of where I am now. People who believed in me ever since I was just a high-school kid. I still keep in touch with some on the regular. With others, their voice always plays back in my head when I need it.

Books have also been my mentors. You add on years to your own by learning straight from the lives of others who already lived your struggles and already asked your questions. In Seneca’s words, “life is long if you know how to live it.”

But soon comes the next obstacle. When you start your work life and begin facing new challenges, you question your life’s purpose, you wonder if you belong. You struggle to balance work alongside everything else that makes you, you.

That’s when I discovered an author who writes about Stoicism, a philosophy for everyday life. I devoured all of his books because of how much they were helping me navigate life’s challenges and helping me find meaning in life. His books became my mentors.

At the time I was a few years out of college working a job with a steady salary but felt little purpose. Then one day a friend with similar feelings told me he wanted to quit his tech job and get an apprenticeship at a bakery, to learn a real craft. My lightbulb flipped on. “If I were to ever ask anyone to be their apprentice, it would be this _____ author,” I said half-jokingly.

Then COVID-19 happened and I lost my job.

In a turn of events, two of my friends helped me find my new part-time jobs, one with a running podcast and another with a culture and inclusion company. Little did I know I had found workplaces where I would be valued and loved as a whole person.

I was loving my new roles. They gave me purpose and joy. My bosses and colleagues became mentors. But I hadn’t forgotten about the apprenticeship conversation. If only I could learn from this author then apply the knowledge right back into the other work I was doing.

I emailed the author. A month later, a job opened up with his team. I interviewed and was hired.

It felt like I had achieved a life-long dream to learn from someone I really admired. The first week was great, but by the second week, I got a weird feeling. Anxiety. It started creeping up like an uninvited visitor. But I knew I couldn’t just quit an opportunity I had literally just started. Next red flag: burnout. This job was not sustainable.

I realized I had never felt anxiety or burnout with my other jobs. Those were evidence that it IS possible to do work that doesn’t give you anxiety and burnout. That it IS possible to be seen as human at work and be loved for who you are in your entirety.

There are some things worth sticking through even when times are tough. But I’ve also learned that you have to respect yourself enough to get out of situations where your intuition tells you it’s not a good place to be.

I spent days contemplating the decision. Some days I thought it would be the stupidest thing to leave. How many people would dream of working with this author, and here I was about to quit. I’m not afraid of hard work, I should hold on a bit longer and things could get better. But the other part of me had a bad taste in my mouth. Certain things didn’t feel right intuitively.

In the end, I listened to my gut. I put in my two weeks and left. The important thing for me was feeling confident in my decision. I was reminded of the stoic words, “We don’t always control what happens, but we always control how we respond.”

I couldn’t control the work environment I was expected to be part of. But I could control my response and mindset toward it.

So while the author didn’t teach me the skills and lessons I pictured he would teach me, he did unknowingly teach me about character. About the importance of treating all people with respect and humanity. He gave me the opportunity to practice identifying something that isn’t serving me and then get the courage to quit it. In that month, I learned a lot more than I had imagined, although not in the way I expected.

I am grateful I got to use this as a chance to practice what the author had taught me through his books. Amor fati, love of fate. Accepting what happened and embracing it because it made me stronger. I am better for it having happened.

It made me realize how much I already had. Made me see the people in my life who were already my greatest mentors, guides, and friends. I had been so focused in pursuit of finding the best of the best to learn from, that I hadn’t realized what I was seeking had been in front of me the whole time.

I am grateful for being in the position to be able to walk away from something that didn’t feel right and be welcomed back at my other roles.

In retrospect what got me through this was lessons from three mentors:

1. Charisse and the team at Culture Circle. It’s through them that I first learned that humanity at work can even exist. Ubuntu. I am because we are. (I’ve written about them before.)

2. Tina from Running for Real for teaching me that quitting is not a weakness when it’s done for something that isn’t serving you, because quitting requires courage.

3. The author himself. For introducing me to the philosophy of Stoicism which I still use every single day. For gifting me the tools for finding peace of mind in tumultuous times. For reminding me that we can’t always control what happens but can always control how we respond. For teaching me about the importance of living a life of courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom.

Mentors come in all types, not just the ones with the big names. Welcome each person you encounter as if they have been sent as a guide, and you will see that everyone you come across offers something you can learn from.

Look for those who value you not just for your skills at work, but for the spirit and light you bring as a whole person. You’ll know who they are when you find them.

Much love,

❤️ Maria

Photo of the week

Milky Way view captured by my dad on a recent camping trip in West Texas. Stars remind me that while you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can always connect them looking back. It’s already written in the stars. Even though we can’t always see them, they are always there.