Be Grateful for Having Bad Memory

Having bad memory is commonly viewed as a loss. Is there a way we can be grateful for it?

Our family’s land in Colombia. My memories of spending entire summers here growing up are something I am always grateful for.

Gratitude. It’s a habit we often try to practice by acknowledging things we are grateful for. A place to live, our health, our family, friends, food, clean water, and personal things unique to each of us. 

That’s why I was stopped in my tracks when one day during a Toastmasters meeting I got asked that question. 

“Why should we be grateful for having bad memory?”

The more common gratitude is being thankful for having a good memory. Why would we be grateful for having a bad one?

For background, Toastmasters is a group dedicated to the practice and improvement of public speaking skills. We all know the feeling of being asked a question on the spot and fumbling around with a response. That's why I joined it. To improve skills in these types of situations.

During each meeting, we pick a theme, then do an exercise called “Table Topics” where we can be picked at random to answer a question in 60 seconds without any preparation.

So, during this meeting, the theme was gratitude. Questions such as “why should we be grateful for being stuck in traffic?” and “why should we be grateful for instant decaf coffee?” came up. 

“Oh gosh”

“Oh gosh…” I said. We all have those moments when we get caught off guard by a question. My brain scrambled to come up with a response on the spot. Why is a bad memory a good thing!?

The first thing that came out of my mouth was that having a bad memory would free us of the past and help us bathe in the beauty of the moment. The past doesn’t matter because we can’t change it. What matters is this moment. That’s why we should be grateful.

“Okay, I think that’s it!” I concluded. 

Don’t think it was my best answer, but it’s practice. That’s why we join groups like Toastmasters. To learn, practice, and improve. 

The reason we can be grateful for having a bad memory

As the day went on, however, I kept thinking about that question and remembered something. 

Last year I visited my grandparents in Colombia. They have Alzheimer's. My grandpa doesn’t recognize anyone or have any memory of the past. My grandma remembers stuff from when she was a kid, but doesn’t remember what she did or said 5 minutes ago. 

It’s tough, seeing family in that state. Especially those who live far away and only get to see each other every few years. Each time I go back, their memory gets worse and worse. Although it’s heartbreaking, I’ve learned to expect that. Bad memory is something that will most likely affect most of us as we age. 

Is there a different perspective? Is there a way we can be grateful for bad memory?

Because seeing others lose their memory is sad, but only to you as a bystander. To the person who doesn’t remember, they might not be conscious of it.

The only thing that matters, is the now. Because the now will turn into the past soon, and be forgotten. 

This made me realize losing your memory reminds us the current moment is the only thing we have. 

My grandma, Tita, is my go-to source for funny family stories. What’s interesting is she remembers things from 70 years ago but doesn’t remember 5 minutes ago.

She is the best storyteller I know. She never tires of telling them even if it’s the same one over and over. The one she told me over and over most recently was how her mom (my great-grandmother) would hide in the closet every time some money collector from the church would knock on the door. One day, my grandma’s sister who was little, opened the door when the collector knocked. When asked if her mother was home, the girl innocently replied, “yes, she’s hiding in the closet.”

The first time hearing the story is great and I laugh so hard. When she finishes telling it, 30 seconds later she re-tells it. And again 20 minutes later. After a while, it’s hard to keep pretending to laugh and be surprised by the story. But, if you think about it, what use would it be to tell her to stop? She’s in complete joy telling the story even if she doesn’t remember telling it.

Here’s the thing. Each time she tells the story with the same enthusiasm as when she told it five minutes ago. Who would I be to prevent her from remembering this one story and laughing? Being able to even remember this story is a gift. Remembering it and re-living it is a gift. Being able to tell it to her grandkid is another gift.

As my other grandmother who passed on would say, “to remember is to live.” 

So I let my grandma Tita tell and re-tell her stories. For her, she is reliving her memories.

Since I never know when the last time I will see her will be, each time I go to visit now, I make a point to put my phone on voice recording mode when she tells me stories. That way I’ll always be able to remember what she shared.

What do Ted Lasso and Goldfish Have to Do with This?

I have a habit of taking notes when I watch TV. While watching an episode of Ted Lasso a couple of years ago, I wrote down this:

“Ted told his soccer players to have the memory of a goldfish— because goldfish forget things after 10 seconds.”

Another example of why having a bad memory can sometimes be a good thing. Holding grudges against others and yourself is unproductive. Holding on to anger and frustration is not good for the soul. Sometimes it takes more courage to flip the page and move on. Feel what you need to feel for 10 seconds and then move forward. Sometimes it's good to be a goldfish.

That’s it!

To end in the same way I ended my Toastmasters response, “that’s it!”

Hope this leaves you with a new perspective. Sometimes it takes work to look at questions like these through a different lens. There is no right or wrong, but it’s a good brain exercise to challenge yourself to do.

Now it’s your turn to ask yourself— “Why should we be grateful for having bad memory?”

As I recently read somewhere, “thinking about thinking is the best kind of thinking.” Did this post make you think? Comment below. If you’re new to this blog, be sure to subscribe!